In what can only be described as an exhilarating new chapter in Westminster’s dedication to providing the best facilities for its students, the under-construction Blake Center is now officially scheduled for demolition by early 2027— less than two years after it’s expected to be complete.
According to anonymous sources within the administration, the demolition is part of an ambitious rebranding effort that is heralded by an alteration to the Westminster motto. Instead of “Love. Challenge. Lead. Change.” the masthead on Westminster’s website now reads “Build. Bulldoze. Rebuild. Change…Rebulldoze.”
“Why stop at just one building?” said an administrator who chose to remain anonymous. “Let’s keep the momentum going and ensure there’s always something being torn down or rebuilt. I’m thinking we’ll spin a wheel every year to decide which building’s next. In fact, we’re even considering demolishing student homes next— imagine transforming them into cutting-edge innovation hubs, fully equipped with AI-powered interactive learning ecosystems, holistic collaborative tools, makerspace accelerators, and blockchain-enabled design labs, and, of course, 5G-integrated wellness pods!”
Indeed, the possibilities are endless, but the school simply needs more space. It’s bittersweet to think about, as we’ve made so many great memories in the Blake Center; unfortunately, though, the building has had its time in the spotlight, and it’s time to move on.
Cross country Coach Vason Juckovic, who also teaches AP Biology, weighed in on the development with his trademark enthusiasm.
“You know, the slogan on all of the construction barriers, ‘The path to success is always under construction,’ really sums up how I try to carry myself as a professional, as both a teacher and coach. I like to think of myself as a biological catalyst— always speeding up my wonderful students’ learning process and making my runners faster, just like an enzyme would, ” said Coach Juckovic with a gleeful chuckle. “I’m honestly a fan of getting rid of the Blake Center, since tearing it down would help to catalyze campus growth. It’s just like the semi-conservative theory of DNA replication that was confirmed by Matthew Meselson and Franklin Stahl in 1958 with such elegant experimental design— you have to rip apart old double-stranded DNA in order to create new genetic material.”
Other, far-less-optimistic members of the Westminster community, especially juniors, have expressed frustration, as the Blake Center project has been a valuable source of consistent noise to help with studying during these last few months of grueling coursework.
“Honestly, I’m going to miss the noise,” said junior Lattin Buto. “I can’t focus on my tests without it. I’ve already asked if we could relocate the testing center to the construction site, but my accommodation request hasn’t been approved yet.”
When asked what will replace the Blake Center, school officials were clear: they are very much in the stage of exploring options and are willing to consult students.
“One idea I’ve floated is to replace it with a massive speaker system that constantly blasts sound effects of jackhammers, power drills, and heavy machinery, just to keep the spirit of construction alive,” said Innovation Fellow Wars Lust. “Another idea is to install a Harry Potter-esque staircase system that randomly changes direction every few minutes— this way, students can spend even more time wandering aimlessly through campus. We call it the ‘Infinite Campus Expansion.’”
When asked for comment, the campus squirrels did not respond, likely blindsided and furious that they will be forced to relinquish their beloved Broyles Field yet again in 2027, especially after being displaced from it in the fall for storage reasons (which led to a devastating economic recession among their species). A representative from the squirrel PR team recently issued a statement extending an olive branch to the campus raccoons, asking for grace and permission to co-occupy the second floor of Hawkins— the two groups will have to share all the scrumptious trash left behind by students during the lunch period.
“Realistically, anyone complaining about losing the Blake Center ‘too early’ is just whining at this point,” Juckovic scoffed. “This is why we can’t have nice things.”
