Westminster’s Adam Pullen declares for the 2021 NFL draft just days after winning Nobel prize

Behind every successful athlete and student at Westminster lies one man: Adam Pullen. Tucked away in the bottom of Robinson Hall, Coach Adam Pullen, who is colloquially known as Atom or Doc, is the backbone of all aspects of Westminster. From cooking lunch for his students in Robinson 117 to inventing the one-way stair signs that have been proven to prevent the spread of COVID-19 to training Stanford football commit and punter Connor Weselman, there isn’t much that Atom Pullen hasn’t done. When he’s not busy studying Alabama football history or telling Cope Smith to focus in class, Atom loves giving back to the community. No one was more deserving of winning the 2021 Nobel Peace Prize than Pullen.

“I mean, when I heard the news, I was unphased. I actually went up to him and asked why he hadn’t won it earlier. It’s honestly a shame that it took him this long,” said senior Aydin Bandukwala. 

While we are all familiar with Doc’s uplifting school spirit and philanthropic mindset at Westminster, that’s not what won him the Nobel Peace Prize. Atom actually received the award for his fantastic work in discovering the solution to global warming and climate change.

“I just went up to the sun and politely asked it to chill out. I explained how a lot of animals were losing their homes, the air was becoming more polluted, and there was a lot more severe weather. I wasn’t sure if it would work, but I guess it did,” said Pullen after his victory.

In his acceptance speech after receiving the prize, Pullen had nothing but kind words to say about his students and fellow faculty members back at Westminster. Highlighting the luxurious walk from Turner Gym to Robinson Hall and the beautiful cries of defeat by students after taking his Thermodynamics and Optics test, Pullen’s speech is said to have been responsible for a 9,000 percent increase in applications to Westminster this year. OIA is in the midst of creating a documentary titled “The Second Coming of Christ: Adam Pullen” to air during advisement next week. 

While one may think that winning a Nobel Peace Prize is enough excitement for one month, Doc would beg to differ. After getting his three lifts a week in for the past few months and secretly training in the parking lot behind Askew Hall, Atom has reached peak human performance. Leaked footage of his ladder agility drills have circulated Veracross and Naviance message boards, but the speed at which his legs are moving in the clip proves too dangerous to show to audiences with pre-existing heart conditions.

One passerby who preferred to remain anonymous details his experience in seeing Pullen’s secret workout. “He’s legitimately a freak of nature. I don’t know how he did it. I was looking at him, and then the next thing I know, he’s on the other side of the parking lot. And there was another time where he literally jumped five feet into the air to catch a football with his teeth,” said the student.

With all the training he’s been doing and the claims of those who have been lucky enough to see him work out, it was no surprise when Atom declared for the 2021 NFL Draft. In a statement released to all 391 of his loyal followers on Instagram @adam.pullen62, Doc described how playing in the NFL has always been a dream of his.

“Ever since I was a little boy roaming the streets, I knew I wanted to play in the NFL. My dad used to wake me up at 4 a.m. every single day to go run sprints at the nearby high school. My third-grade teacher said that I’d be in jail by the time I was 25 when I skipped class to play football. I’m here to prove her wrong,” said Pullen. 

Listed as “whatever you need me to play coach” on the official NFL website, Pullen looks to not only find a roster spot but excel and become a Pro-Bowler. Standing at 6’9” (6’ 10” in cleats) and 250 pounds of sheer muscle, Doc is a force to be reckoned with. 

“He is a dangerous man. I heard he got in a fistfight last weekend with someone who said that Polynesian sauce isn’t the best sauce at Chick-Fil-A, and the dude ended up in the hospital,” said senior Elena Karas.

Not only is Pullen a menace while training, but Atom holds multiple records in the Westminster weight room. Just as the great Bi-Line article “Inside the Weight Room” described, Pullen’s name is plastered all over the record board. From benching 825 pounds for 8 reps to squatting 1,200 pounds (around six Ejikes) for 10 reps, his unreal strength has caused many to accuse him of taking steroids.

“There’s no way that man isn’t on steroids.  He can’t be natural – it’s impossible to have biceps that big without using PEDs,” said senior Kiran Gadde.

The chance that Pullen falls to the Atlanta Falcons at the fourth pick in this year’s NFL draft is very slim – this means that this is most likely Pullen’s last year at Westminster. While his days as a Wildcat may be numbered, the memories and relationships he has formed with every Westminster student will last forever. So next time you see Coach Pullen strolling through campus, make sure to give him a slap on the back and ask him when his next training session will be.